How do I get music from his itunes to my itunes

all from my apple logon name but on 2 separate computers... now that I've bought myself a nano I would like to connect it to his pc to get some of the music I've transferred in last few months...?
I get ipod recognised in itunes on his computer and then it asks if I want to replace all music on my new nano (some music off my computer not his) with those on his computer... and I don't as there's to much and he has Toten Hosen and rubbish like that.... so then the itunes music part goes all grey on his pc and I cannot transfer any music from his pc to my ipod... argh!
Anyway of doing it - without deleting what I've put on my ipod and what he's got on his itunes computer?!?????
Thank you!

Marian,
Let's be clear on one thing here. The manual setting is an iPod setting, not an iTunes one. So, once you've set it to manual (and you appear to have done that correctly), then you can connect it to any number of computers without changing that setting.
"The grey thing occurs on one pc only"
This is the thing that I don't understand, if your iPod is set to manual, then it shouldn't happen on any computer. If you connect the iPod that is set to manual to this pc, and then click on it in the source listing, then you would be looking at the songs on the iPod, and they should not be greyed out. When you connect to the "other pc" under these same circumstances, they are not greyed out?

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