How do i get the ipod icon to come up when itunes wont recognise it?

this has been happening repeatedly to me over the last 5 months since i first bought my ipod.. i thought it was something i was doing wrong but at this stage its taking the ****. whenever i try to put on a couple of albums onto it, itunes will freeze and perhaps shut its self down; the screen of the ipod will show that it is still connected to the computer and i either cannot, or i do not know how to eject the ipod in order to connect it again, as when i open up itunes again there is no icon for it and no matter what i do, nothing will bring up the icon for my ipod.
as i know too well if i disconnect my ipod all of my stuff will be deleted and as of this second i'm stuck in the dilemma of whether to disconnect it or not.. is there anything i can do? at this stage its becoming a bit soul destroying as i dont have all of my music on my itunes library.... pleeeeeeassse help... i'm using a pc by the way

iTunes prefs - General.
Tick Tones.

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