How do I keep my wife's IPhone from alerting her for all of MY appointments?

Both IPhones and my MacBook Pro are sync'd to the same ICloud/ITunes account.
My plan:  Use 3 separate calendars to organize our appointments - one for her, one for me, and one joint calendar.
I keep trying to unselect my calendar on her phone to keep my appontments from alerting her.
I guess the ICloud keep reselecting that calendar on her phone.  We both receive all alerts.
Is there a way to have ICloud only sync certain calendars with certain IPhones?  Or is it an all-or-nothing deal?  That would be so dissapointing.

An icloud account is really designed for one user.  Unless you want all your devices to be identical (same emails, contacts, calendars, photos in the stream, etc.) your wife should have her own account so she can keep emails, etc. as hers, not yours also.
With calendars, you can make some "sharable" so two user can share events, the other calendars are personal, for each user.  Log into icloud.com, go to the calendar page, click small icon next to a listed calandar (click the Calendar button first if there is one) and select sharable.
As for itunes account - you can both share the same account for sharing music, apps etc. without having to re-buy them.

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