How do I link mine and my wifes iphones, and our shared ipad together?

I have an iphone for work, and my wife and I have a shared ipad at home.  Both currently run imessage and icloud under my apple id.  I had to turn my iphone imessaging off though to prevent seeing her conversations with family from out ipad while I was at work.  I previously had her email loaded as a secondary email to mine and I think this is how it worked.  Now, she has her own iphone.  We had to create her own apple id for this, and I no longer seem to be able to link her email to my ipads icloud and imessaging, I guess as it is used with her phone.  Now I'm stuck with what I need to do for the three devices to communicate, but for her to not get my work messages and me to not get her family messages.  Does the ipad need it's own id?  Do I need to tick or untick certain things in my "Reached by email at" or "Start new conversations from" menus?

I just know how to keep separeted: create different accounts, or turn "contacts" off, on iCloud settings in one of the iPhones.

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