How do I make an iPhone 3G an authorized device on iTunes?

My kids were handed down an old iPhone 3G with no phone service so they could use it like an iPod.
I signed out of the previous owner's AppleID account and signed in with my AppleID on the phone, but I can't get to any of my iTunes songs. When I go to Manage Devices in iTunes on my computer, the phone doesn't show up there.
Some directions said to enable automatic downloading, but I can't find where to do that on the iPhone 3.    

Sorry, but you can't. If the iPhone has Find My iPhone set up on it and you had the Apple ID and password used, you could lock or erase the iPhone, but there's no way you can monitor the iPhone other than iMessages (for which, again, you would need the Apple ID and password being used). Nor can you turn off any feature without your son or ex-wife knowing about it since you would need physical access to the phone to set up the restrictions.
This is an issue you will need to negotiate with your ex-wife, I'm afraid.
Regards.

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