How do I synch iPhone 4S, Apple Mail 3.6 and Gmail?

I believe this is the simplest way to phrase this:
I want everything that I do to my Gmail account, no matter where I do it (iPhone 4S, Apple Mail 3.6 on a MacBook Pro, and Gmail on the web) to synch across those three platforms.
Now on to the more complicated part and multiple questions:
Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that the only way for iPhone 4S, Apple Mail 3.6 and Gmail web to behave completely "in synch" is to use ONLY IMAP...and therefore, the first step I took was to DISABLE POP on Gmail web, and ENABLE IMAP on Gmail web.
Problem #1: My Apple Mail account was originally set up as POP. Therefore, I created a "second" gmail account in Apple Mail, using the same username and password, but choosing to use IMAP rather than POP. So now MAILBOXES in Apple Mail has 2 "sub inboxes" under my Inbox, which I named "Gmail Pop (for archival purposes only)" and "Gmail - IMAP." There is also "DRAFTS" (unchanged), "SENT" (unchanged), and "TRASH" with 2 "sub trash cans" - Gmail Pop and Gmail IMAP.
* Since POP is disabled, at this point is it safe to completely delete the entire POP account from my Apple Mail? If I do that, will "Gmail Pop" disappear as a "sub inbox" and "sub trash can"? I would like to have only 1 INBOX and TRASH under MAILBOX in Apple Mail.
* Once I am ONLY using IMAP on my MacBrook Pro, what happens when I have no wireless / internet connection (for example, when I'm out of my condo and riding on the train)? Is there any way to actually download my Inbox, Drafts, Sent and Trash folders to Apple Mail on my Mac using only IMAP - so that I have the option to work offline?
Problem #2: I figured out how to change the setting on my iPhone so that I can actually delete messages and not just archive them to "All Mail" on Gmail Web and make them disappear from the iPhone Inbox. The issue is that on all 3 devices - iPhone 4S, Apple Mail 3.6 AND Gmail, with IMAP enabled I now have 3 "trash folders": I'm not exactly sure where everything is going depending where it's deleted from, but I ONLY want it to go to TRASH (and not the weird [Gmail]Trash folder nor the newly created "Deleted Messages" option in Gmail Web) - regardless of how it's deleted.
* How do I get rid of the [Gmail]Trash and Deleted Messages options across all 3 clients (iPhone, Apple Mail and Gmail web) - so that whether I'm running my thumb over the message in my Inbox and choosing "Delete" (iPhone version) / pressing the "Delete" button on my Mac (Apple Mail version) / checking the box next to the message in my inbox and then clicking the Trash icon that comes up (Gmail version) - so that no matter how I'm deleting my mail, all that happens is that it goes into just one Trash area (on all 3 clients) - so that it gets permanently deleted after 30 days....Basically, I don't want messages lingering in a bunch of different trash folders, where some are permanently deleted and some aren't - I just want 1 "centralized" trash area!
Problem #3: In Apple Mail --> Mail --> Preferences --> Mailbox Behaviors: If I want the solutions for problem #1 and problem #2 to work, which boxes should be checked? I don't really understand why you would or would not put everything on "the server"... nor do I understand what "server" they are talking about.
Problem #4: Since I've started using IMAP on my Mac, my internet connection in general, as well as my Apple Mail, has slowed down quite a bit. Will this go away once I completely rid my computer of the POP files?
Problem #5: Doesn't it seem pretty simple that someone would want all the same things to happen to you whether you're using Gmail web, Apple Mail, or your iPhone? Why don't Google and Apple work together to make this a MUCH simpler process?

I'm sorry, but Apple does not provide a downgrade path for iOS. Because downgrading is unsupported by Apple we cannot discuss it on these forums.
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