How to find purchased ringtones on iPhone 4s

Question

I'm new to all this. New to iPhone, new to smart phones, basically new to iTunes - I've had the software on my computers for years, somewhere along the line I created an account but really never used iTunes.
I bought a ringtone on my phone and want to put in on my wife's phone - we share the same iTunes account. After I purchased the ringtone, it showed up in my ringtones fine. However I can't figure out how to get it on the other phone, while playing around trying to find the way I went to the store from my phone, from the ringtones settings and can't even find that purchase at all. I know I was charged for it. When I look at recent purchases it has options for:
Music
Movies
TV Shows
When I tap Music it shows all the music we've purchased but no ringtones - no option for Ringtones or Tones on recent purchases so I'm lost, please help and remember, I come from a Windows background and am not that fimilar with iTunes. I've googled for restoring lost ringtones but all the directions seem to be for a previous version of iTunes because I can't find what they are talking about.
Thank You for your help!!

Answer 1

while I was playing around last night in between your answers to my questions I hit 'Consolidate Files' on the right click for the ringtone and didn't restart iTunes, didn't think about it last night but if the files were moved maybe iTunes needed to be restarted. I do not know this software but I'm guessing that is the cuase of my problems.
However I did hit Revert and Apply so I don't know.
On iTunes when you click menu File > Library > Organize Library... > Consolidate Files, you are letting iTunes manage your content, it will make a copy of your content to the path where iTunes keeps indices, media structures, etc.
It is a good idea to do that since it will update the database as well.
I am wondering if I should delete the back-ups for both phones and start over following your procedures again, I'm just a bit leary to do that. If I go that route, would I need to deregister and re-register phones too?
You can delete the backups in iTunes > Preferences...(Windows: Edit > Preferences...) > Devices > delete the backup here. After that, you can right click on iPhone in iTunes sidebar and do a fresh new Backup.
I am wondering if I should delete the back-ups for both phones and start over following your procedures again, I'm just a bit leary to do that. If I go that route, would I need to deregister and re-register phones too?
No, you do not need to de-register and re-register iPhones.