How to really "share" library, not just stream?

My husband and I each have a macbook. I have 99% of the music on my computer and "share" my library with him. In iPhoto I do the same thing so he can drag the photos he wants onto his will the rest stay on my computer. He is unable to drag music onto his hard drive like photos in iPhoto. I know that music is different with DRM and all but both our computers are authorized and he'd like an easy way to pull some music onto his computer and thus also sync with his iPhone etc. Is there a workaround here or something else I'm missing? I don't see how this can really be called "Shared". It should be called "Streamed". Two people married to each other are not going to buy a song twice so why do they make it so hard?

I just ran into the same problem. I want to store the files on my computer and let my wife use them on hers, for slideshows in iPhoto, etc. What iTunes calls "Sharing" is not that, it is "streaming", as you pointed out.
I found a limited workaround for now: Use file sharing.
• In her iTunes preferences, under Advanced, I deselected "Copy files to iTunes Music folder when adding to library".
• Then I logged on to my computer with the Finder using file sharing.
• Then I navigated to my computer's iTunes Music folder (typically in the user's home folder inside Music:iTunes), and dragged and dropped it onto the iTunes window on her computer. This caused her computer to import all of my iTunes files but instead of copying them, reference them to my computer's hard drive.
As a test, I quit iTunes on her computer and disconnected from my computer and relaunched iTunes. When I double-clicked a song to play it, her computer automatically logged into my computer to access the song. She has to have the password for my computer remembered in her keychain to allow the auto login to work.
Disadvantages:
• To access songs from e.g. iPhoto, iTunes must be launched first and something played, to make iTunes automatically log in to my computer. Alternately, I could set her computer up to mount my computer's drive at startup.
• My computer must be awake any time she wants to use iTunes.
• She can't use my playlists.
• It can take a very long time for her iTunes to process my iTunes Music folder even though it isn't copying all of the songs. It goes looking for album artwork and adjusts the song gaps all over again even though that info exists on my computer.
Advantage:
• She has access to all of the copyrighted songs that we legally own and she should have every right to use in any way she wants to, without requiring duplicate copies eating up space on her computer's hard drive.
There might be better workarounds. Her entire Music:iTunes folder could simply be an alias to my computer's folder and auto mounted at login but there are disadvantages to that too. For example, iTunes wouldn't auto mount my disk, and changes she makes would be applied to my library. You might want that, it's your call.
I suggest you and anyone else who thinks the iTunes sharing should be improved post a request to Apple Feedback at:
http://www.apple.com/feedback/itunesapp.html
HTH

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