How to register someone on imessage

How to register contacts on imessage

I'm a owner of a 3rd gen iTouch, New iPad (3rd gen) and I got my wife for Christmas the 4th gen iTouch (5.1.1) It was a huge headache just to get a Apple ID for that. I inadvertantly managed to get my wife a iM Apple ID for icloud but got her a Apple ID for iTunes etc. (after a lot of work) 
A colleague I lost contact with managed to set me up with Face time and iM on my iPad. I had to set my wife up  with a email on my other computer. After a lot of work I managed to get her a Apple ID and it works fine but not with iM.
Question how do I get the Apple ID that does work within the apps store/iTunes, to work with iM. I've tried everything in the above but nothing seems to work. I get in Settings>Messeges: iMessage On, Send Read Receipt, On, Receive At: @icloud and I cant remember what the PW is for the iCloud one is.
Oh I have 2 options: Remove this Email or resend validation Email and when I  try to resend I get a  dialogue box that pops up that reads iMessage Activation and it reads Unable to verify email (the Apple ID used in iTunes etc) because it is already in use.
Also, I have an iOS upgrade pending but I'm affraid to activate it because we don't want to lose the YouTube that came with this license.
Any ideas please?
Thanks
Message was edited by: envaneo

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