How to restore when during update, got 'connect to itunes" icon, no option to restore?

I was doing the latest update, but something went wrong and I got an update failed message. iPod touch had "connect to itunes" icon. iTunes did have a restore button, but only for an instant, and it went away (stupid robo-call rang, and I may have jumped). Now iTunes won't give me a restore option, and sync option in File/devices is grayed out.
Itunes also doesn't recognize the iPod when I plug it in, although the computer knows it's there. (Makes a sound when I connect it.)
I have rebooted computer, checked iTunes is latest version.
Tried the solution of holding down power and home buttons. The apple icon came up, but then it went immediately to the "connect to itunes" message.
I haven't tried the solutions that require you download a jailbreak program. Hope that isn't necessary.
Looked all over the internet, and haven't found a situation described where iTunes took away the restore option. Can someone help me?

- Try another cable
- Place the iOS device in Recovery Mode and then connect to your computer and restore via iTunes. The iPod will be erased.                   
- If recovery mode does not work try DFU mode.                        
How to put iPod touch / iPhone into DFU mode « Karthik's scribblings        
Try on another computer                       
For how to restore:
iTunes: Restoring iOS software

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