How to set up myself as family share organizer with my own Apple id when someone else has gotten a new phone and used my Apple ID on it and set up family share for themselves?

its my Apple ID and it's basically been hijacked on a device I dont own and someone else has been set up as family share organizer in my own Apple ID and I can't seem to do anything about it.

You really need to get the apple id straightened out before you start, or you will pay the price forever!   You have a couple of options.  I assume your dad is cooperating with this project.  I think you are probably right about using his apple account.
Make sure you have established the second e mail address and that to works.
Log onto apple.com, and in the upper right, log into the account.  Once in the accout, click on the area where you can change you data, and add the second email address.    Apple wil verify the adress by send it an e mail, and won't do anything further until you respond to an e mail sent to that address, so watch for it.
After the address is verified, on your accout page, make that address your primary address contact from apple.  That way if apple sends confirmations for apps and things, they will go to the new address, and your mom won't see them.  Then set the pad up using the same aple Id as your dad.  Remember, you have not changed the apple id or the password, you have only changed the e mail address for contact.   ( you can change it back after the surprise)
The other suggestion...  I have given a coule of pads to folks, and one of the real fun parts for them and for you is o
Ending the box, and doing the set up.  It is a great way for them to learn enough to use it.  Press the buttons etc.  pick their own apps.  You can gift her all the apps you want, and she can learn how to download them herself.
I gave a pad to mom in law, and did pretty much what you are planning, and at the end of the day, having it all set when she openied it made it harder for her to learn, rather than easier.
But you are doing a god thing, and I am sure she will enjoy the pad.

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