How to sync my iphone?

I am trying to sync my songs from my computer to my iphone. But everytime I plug my phone into my computer it says I can't because my phone needs itunes 11.1 which I thought it has because I have upgrade it to the newest software.

What type of Computer do you have and what is it's Operating System.
iTunes free download from www.itunes.com/download

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Could you please tell me how to sync two iphone 4s to one itunes account on one PC? I successfully synced my husband's phone to my account ( he got his phone first) but my phone isn't showing up in devices. Very frustrating as he know can listen to all my music and I can't!!
Thanks in advance

Try this, How to use multiple iPods, iPads, or iPhones with one computer, http://support.apple.com/kb/HT1495

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I don't know how you got to your current position, but you might want to start by replacing your calendar with your MacBook Pro calendar if it is correct (if it isn't, skip this): first disable calendar syncing on your phone (Settings>iCloud>Calendars set to OFF), then prior to syncing open iTunes on your computer and disable automatic syncing (under Preferences>Devices>Disable...from syncing automatically syncing). Next connect your phone and set your sync settings on the Info tab to Syc Calendars with iCal, and below under Advanced choose "Replace Information on this iPhone" and check Calendars. Now sync and this will hopefully replicate your MacBook calendar on your iPhone.
Next, carefully review this to see that you have correctly set up iCloud on both your phone and your MacBook: http://www.apple.com/icloud/setup/, and that your meet the minimum system requirements (latest version of iOS on your phone, latest version of iTunes, OSX Lion 10.7.2 or later).

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Any sharing is probably a result of being logged in with the same Apple ID on both devices.
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For iCloud: Settings > iCloud > Delete Account.
For iMessage: Settings > Messages > Send & Receive.

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OK. So when you plug it in, what happens?
When I plug in my iPhone, along the top row of icons, a new one appears in the shape of a phone. If I click on that, I get a sidebar with info on my phone and to the right is information similar to what I'd see in previous versions of iTunes. I have it set up to sync when connected, so the sync starts immediately.
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Here's the icon that I get when I plug the phone in:

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I have been trying to figure out how to sync my iPhone 4S to 2 different libraries.
The reason is that I have one library whichhas all my Apps, Books etc. that I keep on one external drive and the other just music as I take that other external drive to dj. As I get new music every day, I sync this to my iPhone so I can get to hear it when I am out.
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However it won't allow me as everytime I switch, say I synced the music first, upon opening up the Apps and Books library, it deletes my music (even when I don't have music synced - I am guessing it reads as wiping my music)
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Thanks Carolyn for your advice.
Was a bit sad to read that I cannot do that, but I still tested it out. To my surprise, I have managed to find out by testing and testing that (thankfully) iTunes does let me sync with one device with 2 libraries.
As long as the music and books are synced on one library, and apps on the 2nd Library I was able to split the libraries up to two different external drives with their respective iTunes library folders.
It would have been perfect if I could just split the Music by itself as I didn't want the books on the same drive but I am happy nevertheless.
The only bad thing is that the syncing was tested on my iPhone and not my iPad which I don't need music... so I had to add dubplicate books in the library for the iPad with just Apps for my iPhone. Now I have to test whether it will sync my bookmarks between devices for the same books.

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Using iCloud you are then able to transfer your contacts from one iphone to an alternate device. Typically the best way to move contacts from an apple device to android would be for you to go to your wireless carrier for assitance.
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You have given almost no detail/information at all, so ti is hard to say.
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The easiest least complicated way to keep your info and her info seperate and not worry about things is to take advantage of user profiles on your computer (in XP)...so each of you log into XP with your own accounts, thus iTunes (and any other software like mail, etc) all have your own settings.
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