How to sync one iCal across one iMac with one iPhone

My iCal is a mess.
I have been trying to sort out duplicate events, many duplicate holidays including duplicate calendars by following instructions in the forums, no luck only making a bigger mess.
I have saved iCal to my desktop so I don't lose all my info. ln the past I have just ignored all the duplicates and lived with it. It may have to do with my syncing preferences. I think I have three places to look at the options for syncing. Preferences in iCal on my computer, Mobile Me preferences and iTunes.(info) sync all calendars. I have set preferences in all three places to sync calendars. Maybe I should not have.
I hope that someone has the time to explain to me how I can rebuild my iCal and sync it between my computer and my iPhone. It is not a complicated network. I am not sure if I have given a clear picture or enough information. I really do not want to lose any information and would like to keep old events in my iCal.

I am sorry for posting this question. I was frustrated and looking for a quick fix. There are not many answered questions in this forum on this topic and the ones that say answered I bet are just marked answered. I marked mine answered as well so as to not waste time and to just get to work on fixing it.

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