How to sync without killing my iphone

Hey yall,
i installed itunes 11.0.2.26, after i had formated c: my pc.
1. now i want to copy a song from itunes to my iphone, if i go in itunes -> myiphone -> music -> sync music, i have to "delete and sync" with new itunes library, that means that music etc. from other itunes librabraries sent to myiphone get deleted --> that means all data on my iphone gets deleted?
2. if i go in itunes -> myiphone -> overview -> options and want to mark "music and vids handle manually" -> agree. Now itunes ask me "my iphone is with an other itunes library logical connected. You want to delete this iphone and sync it with this library? A Iphone can only connected with one itunes library, if you delete and sync your iphone, the content of your iphone will replace with the content of this library."
This Library is totally empty, i only got the 1 song in it.
So..... after 2 hours trying to get the song on my iphone i dont know what to do..... is this itunes just such a complicated program???
why i dont can drag and drop a song to my iphone without this fuxxxxx sync?
is there a solution on this?
greetz

This should help...
https://discussions.apple.com/docs/DOC-3141

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