HT201269 Advice on how to transfer EVERYTHING from old iphone to new....

Hi guys,
I've just upgraded from an iPhone 4 16gb to an iPhone 4S 64gb (simply due to space) and I want the new phone to have everything that the old one has on it, including LOADS of music imported from CD's, and ebooks not purchased from iBooks, but copied onto my iPhone from CD's/DVD's that I've bought elsewhere.
I'm figuring that I need to basically make the iTunes on my laptop a duplicate of my iPhone rather than the other way round, but I have no idea how to do this.
I've tried doing a backup of the iphone onto the computer but it conveniently leaves out unpurchased items.
Also, I should say, that some purchased books/songs are not being transfered as the "files are not found".
Any advice would be muchly appreciated.
Thanks.

Thanks for the reply. I've been doing this all morning but it still isn't transfering everything.
When I click on the "on this iPhone" tab all my stuff is there. It's just not coming up when I go into the "music" or "books" tabs. I don't want to "sync" the iPhone in case it deletes what I've got on the phone and replaces it with what's currently showing up as being on iTunes (ie, not all my books, and a whole stash of songs that have the "!" beside them because the file cannot be found.... pulling my hair out..... :'(

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