I am trying to download, install, and use Lightroom and Photoshop...

I just want the straight out garden variety programs, install on hard drive, run offline - on local PC only - pay the price for a perpetual license, never have to connect this computer to the internet again. But I keep being railroaded into buying packages, creative clouds, monthly billing, behance accounts and so on and so on...
Am I misunderstanding the products? I used these a few years ago, they were quite simple and straightforward back then.

You can buy Photoshop CS6 and Lightroom 5 as perpetual licenses. Pay once, own forever (provided you've got the hardware and operating system to run them).
Photoshop CS6
http://www.adobe.com/products/catalog/cs6._sl_id-contentfilter_sl_catalog_sl_software_sl_c reativesuite6.html
Photoshop CC is subscription only (Cloud only)
Lightroom 5
http://www.adobe.com/products/photoshop-lightroom/buying-guide.html

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