I can not get my iPhone 5s to sync to itunes on my computer

I just got a new iPhone5s.  I am trying to hook it up to my computer to get my music onto my phone.  The SYNC is grayed out.  It says I need to download the itunes 11.1, and says to go to itunes.com.  I went to the site and says I have downloaded it.  I tried the same from my iPhone too, but says I have it.  I'm confused!!

I just tried to set up sync with my wife's Verizon iPhone and noticed the same thing. When I first set it up iCal didn't seem to sync and there were duplicate calendars. I deleted the MobileMe acct from the iPhone and had computer replace MobileMe with a 'reset' from her MacBook air. The I recreated the MobileMe account for her email and syncing. Contacts seem to have synced but entering iCal events on the computer doesn't seem to push to the phone even with a forced manual sync and events on the phone don't go to the Air. When I enter an event on my AT&T iphone, I see the spinning indicator on my menubar for a wifi send, but nothing seems to happen with the Verizon phone.
Also, for some reason, the calendars area in the phone iCal only shows "Calendars" as the only calendar when the MacBook air has 3calendars - home, work, misc. I have turned calendar syncing on and off a few times on the phone and forced syncs from the Air and still no sync and the phone still doesn't see 3 calendars like it should.
I've given up for now an will troubleshoot more later. Since I have to go to the apple store tomorrow, might make a stop at genius bar.

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