I can't connect to my iTunes library on my Macbook Pro using the Apple Remote app on my iPhone 4S. Why?

Hi all,
I've been looking through the forums for help with this problem. There are a couple of threads with similar problems, but no solved threads and the discussion doesn't seem to go anywhere... As far as I can tell, it's been causing a lot of annoyance for many users, including myself, but it looks like the community's in the dark about why it's happening!
I'm trying to connect to my iTunes library using the Apple Remote app on my new iPhone 4S. As you may know, there are two ways to do this:
Connect via Home Sharing by setting up Home Sharing on both iTunes and the iPhone, or
Connecting directly to iTunes using a four digit passcode.
I've tried both methods, and neither work!
Here's what happens for each method:
From the Remote app start screen, I tap the "Turn on Home Sharing" button. I enter my Apple ID details (which are definitely correct), and get a confirmation message on my phone saying "Home Sharing is on using [my email address]. To control iTunes: Choose Turn On Home Sharing from the Advanced menu in iTunes on your computer." I then go to iTunes, turn on Home Sharing, enter my Apple ID again and get a confirmation message saying "Home Sharing is now on", etc. However, there's no connection formed between my iPhone and my Macbook Pro - the Remote app just shows a message saying "Turn on Home Sharing in iTunes on your computer or on Apple TV using the account [my email address].
From the Remote app start screen, I tap "Add an iTunes Library", and the four digit passcode is shown on my phone. I select the new "Quintin's iPhone" item that appears in the iTunes sidebar under "Devices", and enter the passcode on the screen that appears. Once I've entered it, I get a confirmation message saying "Your Remote is now able to control iTunes" with an "Okay" button. Clicking the "Okay" button makes the screen and the sidebar item disappear completely. On my phone, a message that says "Looking for ..." is shown on the screen with a spinning loading wheel, but nothing happens. After a minute or two, it stops and simply says "Could not find".
After trying both methods, I went through all of the troubleshooting steps here: http://support.apple.com/kb/ts1741 . Absolutely no effect.
I should mention that I was experiencing similar problems on my old iPhone 3Gs with an older version of iTunes. I thought it might have been some kind of hardware fault and expected it to clear up once I got the new phone, but the problem is still there. It's a new phone, a new computer, a newer version an iTunes... even a different network I'm trying to connect to it on. Bizarre!
I've even tried using the Mobile Air Mouse remote application instead. However again, the Mobile Air Mouse app on my phone can't pick up the Mobile Air Mouse server on my Mac.
I'm kind of at the end of my rope here. Anyone?

I have the exact same problem trying to use the Remote app on both my iPhone 3gs and iPad 2 with either my Mac or ATV2.  My Remote app used to work on my phone - I can't recall if I ever actually used it with my iPad, but when I tried today, I got all the same results as you did (on both iPad, and then iPhone).  I  was using my ATV2 to play music from iTunes on my Mac and wanted to use the Remote app, but it would not connect to either device no matter what I did. 

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