I did the iPhone update, and iTunes recognizes iPhone but iPhone doesn't recognize iTunes.

the phone says "connect to iTunes" even when it is connected. iTunes seems to recognize the phone (even though the phone looks inactive).  when looking at the macbook screen, the phone on the screen in itunes displays all my apps and music.  i don't see my photos and my contacts from the macbook view.  i'd like to restore my phone from the back up prior to the update, and i am being prevented from doing so.  help. 
prior to this i was having problems with itunes telling me to put in a password to retrieve my backup, and even after putting in my normal password it didn't work.
i did not have it set to encrypted. i've tried all previous passwords ever used in itunes or elsewhere on my computer.
assistance would be greatly appreciated. 

iTunes help : https://discussions.apple.com/community/itunes/itunes_for_mac 

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