I don't understand how to update my OS software!

T-Mobile finally released the 4.5 version of the BlackBerry software but I don't understand how to update my phone's OS.  Their instructions are extremely confusing (leaving out information) and I'm just not sure how to do this.  All I want to do is update the OS, I don't want to delete anything from the phone.
Their instructions say to download the file from their website to update but they fail to tell you when to connect you phone (hey I'm a new user of these phones) so the **bleep** software installs on my pc!  I'm like wtf???  Then on further down their instruction page they tell you to put a check mark in back up my settings but leave the checkmarks below that for delete apps, etc unchecked...yet I can't uncheck them, there are checkmarks in them already and the boxes are greyed out and I can't remove the checkmarks.
I just don't know what to do, I do not want to have to sit here for hours resetting up my phone all over again (it's really a pain in the ass)!  Isn't there a way to just update the OS on the phone without deleting anything from the phone?  If not f this then!

OK and when I run desktop manager then what do I do?  There are no instructions after this setup with my mobile carrier, they just leave me hanging.  Also, is my phone going to be wiped or will it just update the OS?  I don't want to lose all my settings that took me hours to setup on this thing and have to redo everything all over again.  Backup?  I don't understand how to do that either (again all of this is new to me).  I don't have a second phone where I can call T-Mobile on the phone and have them walk me through it, I only have my cell that's it.  They refuse to give me instructions unless I'm on another phone when I call them, why they won't let me write them down is beyond me...these carriers are getting mighty picky these days on customer service/technical support.

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