I have a 2nd generation shuffle and want to use it for my grandson.  On connecting to iTunes it wants to download everything I have on iTunes automatically and I do not know how to get it to manual upload

I have a 2nd generation shuffle and want to use it for my grandson.  On connecting to my PC it asks the question ". do you want to delete everything on the shuffle and replace with that on your iTunes".  I do not want to do this I want to start again and manually add items.  How do I get it to do this please

A 2G Shuffle can only be synced with one iTunes library at a time. So if you are trying to connect and use the Shuffle with a new computer/iTunes library, you'll need tor restore it before you can begin syncing or manualy adding content to it from the new library.
So go ahead and restore the iPod and then configure it for manual management.  See this article for more details on configuring the shuffle for manual management.
Syncing music to iPod shuffle
And here is more assistance on restoring the Shuffle as well if need be.
Restoring iPod shuffle to factory settings
B-rock

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