I'm having trouble connecting my iphone to my itunes on my computer

So for christmas I got an iPhone and currently, I'm having trouble connecting my iPhone to my iTunes on my computer. If I get on my computer and open my iTunes, I can use it perfectly fine but once I tried to connect my phone to it, it told me the software needed to be updated before it would work with my phone. I went to the website and tried downloading the updated version 10 times but every time it told me it couldn't connect with an apple device or something. So then I tried just going to my downloads and stuff and moving the actual song straight to my phone but it would always tell me my device has ended or has been disconnected. All I'm trying to do is move some songs onto my phone from my computer. They weren't purchased straight from iTunes so it's not showung up in my "purchased" on my phone. (I think I got them from amazon and some are cds that I my computer that I got years ago. Maybe thats why they don't show up in the purchased?) Anyway, how can I fix this? I have a windows computer if that can help at all. Thanks!!!

Also, I just opened my iTunes on my computer then plugged my phone to the computer and a box popped up saying "This iPhone cannot be used because the Apple Mobile Device is not started"
I have no idea what that means.
I don't have that option on the side that says what device is connected so I can't sync or anything.

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