ICal syncing issues

Hi - can anyone help me....
I have a Macbook Pro at home, an iMac at my office, and an iPhone in my pocket. I cannot, for the life of me, get the calendars to sync properly. On my laptop I have appointments that do not appear on my iPhone (very frustrating) and sometimes things that I add to my iCal on the iMac don't appear on either the iPhone or the Macbook. Also the reminders are a nightmare. Because I often leave both computers running all the time if a reminder appears on one of the machines it remains there until I am beside that machine to be able to either delay it or cancel it. Therefore this means that further reminders on other devices don't come up and sometimes I miss things I supposed to do.
Two more questions (sorry):
Is it possible to add postponement time options to the drop down that appears when a reminder comes up on the screen. The choices are somewhat limited, they go in nice stages up to two hours, then the next choice is one day! Sometimes I want a reminder in four or eight hours but to do that I need to just keep going in increments of two hours which occasionally leads to the problems referred to above.
Secondly, when a reminder comes up in the iPhone whilst it is being used (i.e. on a call) you have a choice of either close or open appointment. Does close mean that it just closes it from what you are doing or does that mean that it cancels the ongoing reminder? Similarly when you click the other option there seems to be no obvious way postpone the reminder for another few hours.......??
Sorry to be so long-winded
Darren

Here's a general Address Book and iCal sync solution to get entries created on your iPhone back to your Mac:
http://discussions.apple.com/thread.jspa?threadID=1032105&tstart=0
Enjoy!

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