Imessage will not work with some contacts

Hi there,
I'm new to iphone and need help with imessage. I can imessage and face time my wife, although it's always a blue bubble wether I'm on wifi or not. My brothers has an iphone which will imessage sometimes but will never connect for face time.
Is imessage spouse to work only when both phones are in wifi? Is there any way to force it into an imessage rather then SMS? Vodafone nz have told me that every time I turn it off and on again, I am charged. Is that normal?
I've tried that anyway, I've tried rebooting the phone, it just does what it wants all the time.
Thanks for the help

1. Both devices have to be running iOS 5.*
2. Internet latency can delay iMessage connection.  If you enabled "Send as SMS", the phone will switch to SMS if iMessage doesn't connect quickly.  If you disable Send as SMS, more of your messages will go through as iMessage.

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