IOS 8 - iTunes - iPhone 5S issue

LONG STORY SHORT: I just want to be able to manage my music manually. Connect my iPhone to my macbook, drag the music from my library to the iPhone. Click a song and press delete if I no longer want it. Have the songs I deleted ACTUALLY GO AWAY instead of just the name turning grey. I don't understand why this is so complicated and confusing? Can someone please just tell me how to do that? The way I have always managed my iPods.
Basically I didn't mind the automatic system being activated against my will for a long time, until recently I've started to run out of space. I was reading online and trying all type of things and some people were suggesting just manually getting rid of the songs I didn't want on my phone, but that is just a nightmare, are you kidding me? So one of the other things I read was managing your music manually (which was what I wanted to begin with) so when I went to do it iTunes was like blah blah blah if you do this you will delete all the music on your phone. I thought, that's fine because I can just drag it back onto it and this time it'll only be the music I want. NOT so simple, it is not working that way at all, first of all there is no "manually manage music" option anymore, the only options I see in the music tab are:
[] Sync Music
* Entire music library
* Selected playlists, artists, albums, and genres
- Include music videos
- Include voice memos
- Automatically fill free space with songs
If the initial Sync Music thing is unselected there is no other option? There used to be an option to manually manage files. I know I am just repeating the same thing over and over again but I'm just so frustrated. I just manually added a song, but then when I go delete it, it won't let me. It's trapped in there again. jesus christ
I have the iphone 5s running iOS 8 and itunes 11.4

Recovery mode doesn't mean that all your data is already lost. You only lose your data if you restore it.
When you plug the phone is into iTunes hold down the home button. iTunes may then give you the option JUST to update the software first. This should not get rid of any data.
However, if iTunes is only giving you the option to RESTORE and update, then you will lose your data I'm afraid.
Hope that helps!

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