IPhone 4 vibrates in my ear and makes audible sound while on call

Ever since I did the 4.2 update if I am on a call and message comes in, the phone vibrates in my ear and plays an audible sound that everyone around me can hear and also my caller. First time it happened it scared me so much I about dropped the phone. Now it just makes me mad. When the 4.3 update was released, I was hopeful this "bug" would be fixed. No such luck! Has anyone experienced this? Is there some way to stop the phone from doing this and have it just do the "soft" tone that only I can hear? I went to the apple store and the guy I spoke with suggested just turning off the vibrate. That is not the solution. What about the sound that it plays? Am I supposed to turn that off too? Then it wouldn't make any sound or vibrate. Niiiiiice! Just what I need. A phone that doesn't ring or vibrate.
Someone HELP!
Thanks!

I started a thread like this with my 3Gs iPhone. My solution was to disable the "Vibrate" feature under "Settings, Sounds, Silent" and when I get a phone call I just use the "silent/vibrate" switch on the side of the phone and it turns off all the sounds. Just make sure that you have the "Vibrate" under "Silent" turned off. That fix works for my iPhone 4 as well. Hope this helps.
Here's my thread from a while back: "http://discussions.apple.com/thread.jspa?threadID=2314868&tstart=0"

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