IPhone 4 will not activate with Apple for update

No matter how hard I try, or how many times I try I cannot get my sister in law's iPhone 4s to update it's software to 5.1 Despite it being connected to a strong wireless signal that I managed to update mine from on my laptop, it downloads the update but then says '"........s iPhone cannot be updated at this time because the iPhone software update server could not be contacted or is temporarily unavailable."
I have been trying to update my brother in law's iphone 4 from 4.3.2 to 5.0.1 also for over a month, when I go around and visit, was always the same message. I thought it may have been his phone.
I feel I am missing something fairly basic here. The phones download the updates in iTunes, they backup, iTunes extracts the software update, but it gives in when it's time to connect to Apple and verify the update. Doesn't matter how many times I try it.
Any ideas?
Thanks in advance
Pete

Could it be that the server is using a custom port, while using the standard port for something else? Mail sync should not be related to MacBook. But it helps if you open your mail app on Mac to verify all settings.
Just a quick shot.

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