IPhone 4S WILL NOT load my new music!

ever since i upgraded to ios6, my iphone wont go past step 7 when i try to sync my new music,it says "determining tracks to sync" and then it will say "iphone can not complete sync because iphone has been disconnected" but its still plugged in and still registering in itunes! I have tried restoring my iphone, after about 20 minutes it will say that my phone has been disconnected (ive tried switching usb cords thinking there was a broken wire in the cord or something) so i cant even restore my phone to see if that fixes it... ive googled answers for this issue and tried everything everyone has said and i STILL cant load my music! it will show up in my library but it will be in grey lettering... CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!! i have owned every iphone since they first came out and never had an issue like this

also - i have tried deleting itunes and loading it again, retstarting my computer and my iphone, and still nothing... and if i leave my phone to try and get past step 7 (for example it was trying to sync while i posted this thread) if i go to click on itunes again it wont open itunes

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