Iphone 5 sync with itunes problems HELP!

This is the first ever Apple product I have owned so I am use to just dragging songs over to my blackberry file and it would send them to my phone straight away nice and easy. I have the latest itunes and iphone5 software.
I am finding it difficult to understand and Im guessing I will need a step by step guide to the problems because I havent got a clue how to do the following:
When I connect my iphone5 to my laptop and open up itunes, it auto syncs all my music to my iphone unless I click the stop button, I dont want this because there's only certain songs I want on my iphone, How do I stop it auto syncing (step by step guide would be helpful).
Also now on my iphone I click on songs every song is in a grey colour and cannot be played because I deleted all music so I could sync only certain songs, how do I get rid of that?
One more question. All my music files are on my itunes, but how do I set it up so I can create a playlist or manually select songs to sync to my iphone (again step by step clicking guide would be perfect because I am not use to any of this at all). Thanks
Its probably so easy but because Ive never done it before my heads battered and all over the place with it.

You have to configure the sync settings by accessing the summary page when you connect your iphone to your computer using iTunes on your computer. If you haven't installed itunes go to apple.com/itunes to DOWNLOAD AND INSTALL iTunes.

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