IPhone syncs entire library every time

why does my iPhone sync all 7000 songs every time I sync it to my iTunes?  really frustrating and time consuming...

I have a similiar problem, except that on my itunes window, I have it set to sync only checked songs, and unchecked the option to add music to free space.  And even though half my library is unchecked, I still get all the music always on the iPhone.  It makes it annoying when I try to shuffle and I'm getting holiday music.
Any ideas why?  I have the iPhone 4S (new one) and the latest iTunes.

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