IPod updater can not recognize my ipod. grey button, not an option to click

i just bought an ipod nano 2 days ago.
i connected ipod correctly. ipod folder shows in my computer and i can open it too. but both iPod updater and itunes say that ipod is not connected. in iPod updater, the both buttons, restore and renew button, are grey (not black) and can not click it. In itunes, when i go to Edit---> set up----> and iPod, it says that 'no iPod is connected' i have been working with this thing for 2 days now and so ****** off. i tried everything in the PDF help file and in the FAQ help page. nothing works.
my computer is windows xp pro sp2, pentium 4 640 3.4 ghz, 512 ddr ram, 250g HD. ... someone help me please.
'spend money ($250) + my valueable time = can't listen to one song.......' someone help me please. Thank You.

- Reset the iPod. nothing is lost
reset iPod. Press and hold both the Sleep/Wake button and the Home
button for at least ten seconds, until the Apple logo appears
- Power off and then back on your router.
- Reset network settings: Settings>General>Reset>Reset Network Settings.
- iOS: Troubleshooting Wi-Fi networks and connections

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