Is there a facility to more easily sync music my four Apple devices and my wife's three Apple devices without the horrid iTunes error messages when there is nothing wrong with our connection?

We’ve been using iTunes Match pretty much since the beginning, but recently my wife has turned it off and refused to re-subscribe. I’m fast getting to the same place. It just seems so unstable, wishing Apple would invest some of their billions into it. I read with dismay how many people find Google Play to be so much better. As I write this I see a “Cannot connect to iTunes store” on my iPhone. Noting wrong with our connection … it’s alive and well.
Bearing in mind that I have two Macs, an iPhone and an iPad and my wife has a Mac, iPhone and iPad what we really want is the following.
I want all our music to go up to one location (iCloud or even better our own server). I want an app or web app that I see on the right hand side a list of artists or albums (or playlists) and columns for each device. I want to be able to tick the “matrix” to specify which devices the artist/album/playlist should be downloaded to. When the device is switched on, it must download (no fuss no bother and no stupid I-can’t-do-anything-about error message). A nice enhancement would be to specify three options for each entity (Download, Stream, Not Available). There must be options to easily bulk select.
So … is there such a thing out there?
In my immediate family plus spouses and kids girlfriends/boyfriends there are 11 Macs, three iPads and 10 iPhones. My brothers are very similar. I have nieces and nephews that use Apple. My parents also use Apple. Collectively, we have a bunch of Apple equipment.
Did I mention I'd like it to be stable?

Unless you have EE 4G service the UK 3G networks are the base of your problem - they are just far to variable in download and streaming speeds.
Add to the fact that use can/will eat into your Data usage !
ITunes Match as a service is pretty experimental at best over 3G and really i think so long as you have a 32GB or larger iOS device sync'ing via iTunes on a PC/Mac remains the best way to transfer music.
Remember even with iTune Match your music is STILL ON your own PC/Mac HDD !
Usng the devices tab in iTunes you can customize each differing identified iOS device and load as you please.
When we have a competitively priced stable and extensive LTE network in the UK then reconsider Match at that point.

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