Issues with calendar invites from Outlook address that come to my gmail on iPhone

I have been trying for HOURS to get to the bottom of this iPhone calendar invite problem I'm having. I'll try to summarize.
I LOVE iCal and I want to continue using it. Though I have a personal mid-2010 Macbook Pro, I don't use it too much (my company functions solely on Windows). I almost exclusively use my iPhone 4S for calendar purposes. Yes, my calendar is synced up to iCloud. I have a gmail account as my primary apple ID and my mail account on the iPhone is synced with gmail. I've been very annoyed lately as I have been receiving a lot of calendar invites from a friend who has Outlook, and I cannot accept or decline when I received her invite. The events are added to my calendar, grayed out.
After much research, I realized that I had to setup my gmail account as an Exchange account on my iPhone, which I did. I then sent myself a test invite from Lotus Notes, and low and behold, I can now accept and decline!
..but I am VERY particular about my calendar organization, and I want to be able to choose which calendar the event is added to; however, it is added to my exchange (gmail) calendar, I guess because it was received on the gmail server. I want my calendar invites to be received on my ios device calendar! I don't know if having people use my .me account would help, but I don't want to tell everyone to change the email address to which they send me notifications, because I want to continue to receive mail at my gmail account (like the many calendars, I have many folders there and have everything set up the way I want it).
I get emails concerning work, events, tennis matches, etc via my gmail account, and I want to sort them to the correct calendar when the invite comes to my gmail while STILL maintaining the functionality to accept and decline invites.
Is this a crazy question?

I posted this question a while ago and didn't receive any responses but there are a lot of people who have viewed it and 10 have said they have the same question so I thought I would update you that I added my nanny to my exchange server account (created an email for her) and I send all invites to that email address and they work.  So sending invites from an exchange server account to a non-exchange server account apparently is a bug so to solve it, get on an exchange server I guess.

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    I posted this question a while ago and didn't receive any responses but there are a lot of people who have viewed it and 10 have said they have the same question so I thought I would update you that I added my nanny to my exchange server account (created an email for her) and I send all invites to that email address and they work.  So sending invites from an exchange server account to a non-exchange server account apparently is a bug so to solve it, get on an exchange server I guess.

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