It doesn't want to put music from my computer onto my iPhone 4S

This has been bothering me for months, and I'm p****d.
I've got the music on my computer, and I've added it to my iTunes library. I've plugged in my iPhone (which, another issue: sometimes it doesn't say my iPhone is plugged in, and I have to keep plugging and unplugging it until it does), and it says it's there. I drag the music from my library over to my iPhone's music folder, and it says "Updating files" or whatever, and the music doesn't get put onto my phone.
It's now started saying "Lost connection with iPhone" when I'm not doing anything, also.
iTunes is a horrible program overall and I avoid using it at all costs, but I've got a ton of music on my computer and I can't find another free program that'll transfer my music over. Please help!

iPad not appearing in iTunes
http://www.apple.com/support/ipad/assistant/itunes/
iOS: Device not recognized in iTunes for Mac OS X
http://support.apple.com/kb/TS1591
iOS: Device not recognized in iTunes for Windows
http://support.apple.com/kb/TS1538
IOS: Syncing with iTunes
http://support.apple.com/kb/HT1386
Apple - Support - iPad - Syncing
http://www.apple.com/support/ipad/syncing/
ITunes: Syncing media content to your iOS devices
http://support.apple.com/kb/ht1351
FYI
Complete guide to using iOS 6
http://howto.cnet.com/ios-6-complete-guide/
Guide to Built-In Apps on iOS
https://sites.google.com/site/appleclubfhs/support/advice-and-articles/guide-to- built-in-apps-ios
You can download a complete iOS 5 iPad User Guide and iOS 6 iPad User Guide here: http://support.apple.com/manuals/ipad/
Also, Good Instructions http://www.tcgeeks.com/how-to-use-ipad-2/
Apple - iPad - Guided Tours
http://www.apple.com/ipad/videos/
Apple iPad Guided Tours - Watch the videos see all the amazing iPad apps in action. Learn how to use FaceTime, Mail, Safari, Videos, Maps, iBooks, App Store, and more.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT2bD0-OqBM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROY4tLyNlsg&feature=relmfu
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSPXXhmwYf4&feature=relmfu
How to - Articles & User Guides & Tutorials
http://www.iphone-mac.com/index.php/Index/howto/id/4/type/select
iPad How-Tos  http://ipod.about.com/lr/ipad_how-tos/903396/1/
You can download this guide to your iPad.
iPad User Guide for iOS 5
http://itunes.apple.com/us/book/ipad-user-guide-for-ios-5/id470308101?mt=11
 Cheers, Tom

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