ITunes 9, Apple TV, and AirTunes issues

Question

It seems that iTunes 9 on my iMac has two issues, possibly related, both of which are very irksome. Both issues appear after the computer wakes from sleep, leading me to think they are symptoms of the same problem.
Issue #1 is that the AppleTV keeps vanishing from the list of devices. iTunes knows about the AppleTV, the AppleTV is on the network and can stream from iTunes, but the device is missing and hence sync won't work. I've checked the firewall log and the AppleTV is being accepted for incoming connections, so it's not a firewall issue. I've reset the AppleTV, reset the connection between iTunes and the AppleTV, resynced all my content and the problem persists.
I've found two ways to fix this issue: restart iTunes, or go to Preferences : Apple TV, uncheck "Look for Apple TV", close Preferences, open Preferences and recheck the same selection. After a 2-3 second delay, the AppleTV appears in iTunes.
Issue #2 is that the remote speakers connected via an Airport Express disappear. This seems to happen at the same time as the AppleTV disappearing, as the drop-down box for selecting the remote speakers vanishes. Normally it lists the computer, the Apple TV, and the stereo but then the box goes away.
Similarly for issue #1, I can get the drop-down back by going to Preferences : Devices and unselect "look for remote speakers", close and reopen Preferences and reselect the same checkbox. Interestingly, doing this does NOT bring the AppleTV back as a device, but the Apple TV is listed along with the remote speakers.
I think the two issues are related, as they both involve the network. My computer is linked via Ethernet to the DSL router with 802.11 then going to the two devices. It seems to me that iTunes is not reestablishing the connection after waking from sleep. But it's not consistent; I can put the computer to sleep and wake it up, and the connection is there. Other times the connection is gone.
The only thing I can't rule out is a problem wirelessly connecting to the devices, but the AppleTV has always reported 5 bars of signal, and the fact that it still streams from iTunes, yet iTunes doesn't see it, makes me think the problem is in iTunes.
Hopefully this will be helpful to someone else with these problems.

Answer 1

After suffering with the Apple TV for four months, and scouring the internet for fixes, tricks, and workarounds before posting, I have to wonder how many thousands of people there are silently slamming their heads on the sofa while they wait for apple TV to unfreeze, catch up to their attempted remote prompts, or simply just restart as if ATV even gave up on itself. (issues are in Bold)
I have to opt with the streaming feature to bring my movies, music, and photo's to a big screen and home theater sound system due to a 2TB (mostly full) Western digital external HD plugged into the 802.11n airport extreme.
A possible reason for *the 2 second stoppages in play of movies and music are that the airport has to link the music/movies to my computer(itunes), which must travel back to the airport to go to the apple TV.*
I'm also using the iphone for remote use, being that the infamous IR issues with the standard remote are so notorious, I wouldn't be surprised if Best Buy started selling the ATV with white paper already taped to the sensor.
*While using the main menu, 1 out of 4 times in a five minute period of navigating the ATV, the product is unresponsive to commands from either type of remote, and I am left to:*
*1. wait until it unfreezes after about 4 min (60% of the time) when all prompts are suddenly recognized by ATV, all at the same time, to which often it goes back into another multi minute freeze before use is temporarily made available again.*
*2. hold the menu button down on the IR remote so ATV restarts after i've waited over 5 min to see if the freeze will work itself out(15% of the time) or*
*3. try to wait out the issue until the ATV restarts itself with no prompted action (10% of the time) to which I am asked to pick a language again and given the option to restart, run diagnostics or restore factory settings.*
*---The last 15% of the time ATV stays frozen and unresponsive to any remote for, in my estimation ever (I literally waited almost two months, pressing buttons many times a day to try an wake the ATV got nothing but a screensaver before i gave in), until you're forced to pull the plug because the holding-menu-button restart option isn't even working **
I've tried restoring factory settings, changing IR remote batteries, unpairing and repairing, unsyncing and resyncing both itunes libraries, remotes and airport extreme connections, jogging the itunes preferences, putting paper in front of the IR sensor, restarting both itunes and unplugging the ATV, and I even went back to exchange the apple tv for another apple tv to see if it was just an issue with the hardware...nothing has eased these ailments.
The airport and all wireless devices in-play are no further than 15 feet from each other, including the airport, which is just on the other side of a very thin wall w/i 10 feet of the ATV.
*If, in the menu freeze, (which, again happens about 25% of the time i attempt to navigate the ATV menu) you give up on the iphone remote, u see the ATV is receiving the signals from the IR remote, but nothing moves most of the time (mentioned above) and the best you might get after waiting and trouble shooting long enough is the screensaver stopping for a split second, when u press a button on the IR remote, before continuing to ken burns until you want to use the ATV to play frisbee with interstate 20 traffic.*
I'm not sure if Apple over-engineered this device to the point where it's tripping over itself to perform the most basic functions, but I bought this device so I could watch my movies and listen to my music wirelessly, and at this point, the DVI wire and headphone jack splitter are a much more reliable (yet burdensome) option than the ATV.
If I had to guess, it seems most problems stem from users who stream from an external hard drive, whether it be plugged into the host computer, or broadcast wirelessly (this is not taking into consideration the IR remote issue). This might be an unpopular suggestion to Apple, and i'm sure you have some reasoning for not making this an option, either for monetary or twisted legal obligations but the internet complaint factory might be a little less whiny if you just simply make an option to have the ATV be a screen emulator, with AirTunes, and cut all the other youtube, direct internet to ATV garbage that 65% of the people using this product didn't buy it for.
I have been nothing but awestricken with Apple products since I was a child, and thought there were no ends to the company's ability to make products that work with each other easily, seamlessly, and without the need of a computer engineer to set it up for you. Unfortunately though, it seems, for the time being, we might have met the limits.