Itunes application not responding when I plug in my iphone

I am on itunes 8.2 and when I plug in my iphone itunes just goes into application not responding.
I wait for a while and then unplug the phone and it goes back to working again.
On the phone there is no "Sync" message. In fact with the phone plugged in I can access the phones apps just as if it was not plugged in.
But initially when I plug it in, it does the double vibrate and shows the charging graphic so I know the cable is ok.
The phone is already on 3.1 apparently because some new features are there... like selecting multiple photos to email.
But I don't recall ever running any updates in itunes to make it use the new software as I read you were supposed to do.
I don't want to upgrade to itunes 9 because I read so many people having problems with it... but I wonder if the phone is no longer compatible with itunes 8.2
Any help is appreciated.
Thanks.
-Jeff

Do you know if the problems people have reported with itunes 9 was before the 9.1 release?
I've heard tons of people saying they were reverting back to itunes 8.2 because 9 was so bad.
Am a bit nervous about that update because of that.
But an applecare guy told me that the 9.1 was supposed to address those issues. I have just not heard anything about that actually fixing things though. Still seems like a lot of people are dreading the new itunes 9.
If you are an itunes 9 user, did you have any problems with it wiping out your library or any terribly long syncing times?
Thanks.

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