ITunes does not sync - button greyed out

I recently updated my 3gs to the new software, and my new ipad (3rd gen) is also running on the latest software. I also have the latest iTunes.
Up until 3 days ago, everything worked fine. Now however, whenever I plug either of them into my computer to sync some new music (or anything else) on, the sync button is greyed out.
So far I have tried :
Restoring my iphone [+ it seems my backup is missing all my apps/music]
Erasing ALL apple programs (itunes, updater, quicktime etc.), and then reinstalling [I've done this all twice now]
switching USB ports
Restarting both my computer and iPhone/iPad
Authorizing my computer again
I cannot drag and drop music onto my devices or use the sync button.
However none of these work for me. I now have nothing on my phone, and cannot put anything on it. This is incredibly irritating.
Im starting to get very angry with these products. Apple is supposed to be reliable is it not?
Someone please help me!

i am having a iusses a little different hoping you can help me, my computer did not crash it is finr, its a gateway, windows 8, i undated my itunes to the new version, and can't get my other one back, i plug my ippod shuffle into the usb port and nothing happens, i tunes doesnt pop up, my ipod icon doesnt come up in the new version of itunes i cant sync it to nothing, i have no idea how to add music and now clue how to use this itunes. i am getting a new ipod tomorrow and i have no clue how to add music to it now.. can you help me?

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