ITUNES HATES ME!! help!

Hey. Before i start:
ARGHHHH!!!
now thats over; here is my problem.
my computer recently crashed, so i had to re-download everything, including itunes. this was fine. however the computer had none of my old songs on it. no biggie because they where all on itunes(WHERE). This was fine, and i could live with this for a while until i realised that my iphone had decided to not sync some led zeppling, rage against the machine and kings of leon songs. "strange thinks me" - what's weirder is that they had disapeared from itunes..."odd thinks I"
so i put the led zepp, ratm, coheed and cambria cd's into my pc (i recently moved and threw out all my cds because i stupidly thought i would have an eternal software version of them)- they upload to my itunes without a problem, then i notice i can't drag them into the iphone; slightly annoyed. because i redownloaded itunes i had to reselect the "manually manage music and videos".
but for some ridicolous reason that i can't fathom, if i want to change how I put songs onto the iphone through ITUNES, the IPHONE has to erase everything and re-sync? what one earth!?
so i backup the iphone, "this will store the music, then i can restore it after it changes to manually add music" - says I - 20 minutes later; funny, it hasn't restored my 2,500+ songs. i'll try again. same, again, same, again. now i'm crazy. because not only has the iphone deleted all my songs. they are no longer on itunes...STRANGE
and now i have new apps to add, but it will wipe all my bought apps, which aren't appearing in the purchased folder...so Apple...
WHY can't we drag songs from our music library into the iphone? without changing a setting and losing everything?
WHY can't we drag songs from our iphones into the itunes music library? without being tempted to download possibly harmful programs?
WHY does it need to erase everything and resync to change a setting?
WHY have i lost 2,500 songs?
WHY have i spent so much money to swear and scream at a phone/pc for the last 2 hours?!?!?!?!
and where are my apps?!
HELP before i explode into a nerd rage!
Thanks; a crazed, confused teenager. lol
Message was edited by: Jdance

No, you didn't backup your library and computer hard disc otherwise you wouldn't be having any of these problems. This is what is in a iPhone backup set - nothing thats kept in iTunes basically.
http://support.apple.com/kb/HT1766

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