ITunes library syncs grey to iPhone 4s

Forgive my ignorance on this. I did not use iTunes prior to getting an iPhone 4s.
I HAD music on my iPhone 4s no problem using the autofill feature from my netbook. I recently purchased a new laptop and my music was transferred from my netbook to my laptop. I decided to clear out my iPhone and resync it to my new laptop. That is, apparently, an impossible task for me.
When using the autofill feature- even from a blank iphone- it did not transfer all songs. As a result- I started looking around at tutorials and realized I should use the sync function. I told my phone to delete the itunes sync with my netbook and sync it with my laptop. It went through it's steps- now every single song is grey on my iphone 4s list and unplayable from my phone. My phone claims I have 0 music.
All songs play perfectly from the laptop. I even deleted the entire itunes library and readded it to itunes. I then tried to sync again. All grey. I am at a loss as to what I am doing wrong, I don't understand why autofill worked perfectly from a netbook and now I can't transfer a single song from a laptop.
How can I fix this?

I bought an iPhone 5 and could not add music to it. Same problem: grey songs. After hours searching forums and blogs I found this solution. Works for me! Now I manually add songs using iTunes and no problem. Hope it helps.
1. Download and install iExplorer http://www.macroplant.com/iexplorer/
2. Plug in device first, then open iExplorer
3. Delete the iPhone\Media\iTunes_Control folder (you may want to copy this, just in case)
4. Restart the iPhone / iPad
5. Start iTunes. Not restore iPhone from back up, select New iPhone (don't worry, you will not lost apps or data on your iPhone doing this)
6. Add music manually with iTunes

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Pic win xp
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Thanks for using Apple Support Communities.
If your iOS devices are note being recognized in iTunes on your Mac, please follow the steps in the article linked to below.
iOS: Device not recognized in iTunes for OS X - Apple Support
Take care,
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ITunes library syncs grey to iPhone 4s

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