Itunes won't recognize iphone 3gs after upgrade to IOS 5

Backup for Iphone on itunes was made on DELL INSPIRON MINI 10 laptop running XP Professional, Thursday evening 10-13-2011.
Upgraded Itunes to new system (ios 5) Friday evening 10-14-2011.
Connected Iphone to laptop Saturday afternoon to sync and upgrade phone to ios 5. after 2 hours phone was wiped clear, and itunes dropped recognition icon from list. several attempts were made to re-sync. all failed, itunes would not recognize. ended up restarting phone and installing upgrade on another computer. Laptop still failed to recognize.
attempted upgrade to Ipod and it locked up on "Disconnect before removing'. opened Itunes dropdown and selected 'Diagose devise' and was able to restore ipod and sync with itunes. afraid to attempt 'diagnose' with iphone, now that it is working.
back-up for iphone still appears on itunes,,,, just can't back it up...XP is unable to 'ICloud' and my DELL Window Vista Home Premium won't install updates so ICloud won't load....

Help please - my computer does not recognize iPhone after upgrading to IOS4 and iTunes 9.2 ---- I have WIndows 7 --- have tried EVERYTHING and still it does not work. I want to do my albums via the computer, not iTunes since it adds the Photo Library folder, which is a duplicate of all my picture folders.
Does anyone have a real solution please? I have uninstalled, installed, deleted drivers, installed drivers - the computer says the drivers are working, but obviously not.
When is Apple going to post the solution so that people will know what to do - seems everyone has an idea, but none are working for me and the extra photo folder frankly drivers me crazy ---- something about iPod cache ----- do not want duplicate pictures.
And, will albums be able to be edited - can these pics not be sent to Facebook.
I know, several topics ----- what a mess Apple has created with IOS4 and iTunes 9.2. Ready to send the phone back!

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