Itunes wont stop backing up, need to update, where's my music?

This is the first time i have used itunes on the computer.  The only reason i did is because my Iphone 4 needs the last 2 updates.  Some of my apps stopped working because of it.  So i downloaded Itunes & loaded my music on to the computer, which for some reason removed it from my phone! Also im trying to do the software update & when i do it says 'backing up" and wont stop.  I've done this for hours now.  How do i get this stupid update & get all my music transffered back onto my phone?? Im so frustrated! why does this have to be so difficult.

It doesn't have to be difficult.  Most people don't bother to read the User Guide and then get all frustrated.  Have YOU read the User Guide?

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