Laptop crashed need to know how to get my purchases back

My computer crashed and I need to know how to get my purchases back. To make matters even better, the media on my phone was deleted even though it was checked off not to sync it. I absoloutely hate itunes with a passion and every day it seems to do something else....this being the most maddening thing I have encountered so far.
Does anyone know how I can get my music back? Or does apple pretty much have my money and I have nothing to show for it?

It is basic to maintain a backup.
Have you failed to do so?
http://www.apple.com/legal/itunes/us/terms.html
"PRODUCTS CAN ONLY BE DOWNLOADED ONCE; AFTER BEING DOWNLOADED, THEY CANNOT BE REPLACED IF LOST FOR ANY REASON. YOU SHALL BE RESPONSIBLE FOR BACKING UP YOUR OWN SYSTEM"
"Or does apple pretty much have my money and I have nothing to show for it?"
If you buy a CD from best buy and lose it, do they just give you another?

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