Laptop won't start without charger!! (battery fully charged but worthless)

My Macbook Pro won't turn on unless its plugged into the charger. If I turn it on without it being plugged in, it'll begin starting up, then immediatly shut down (the battery is fully charged). Does anyone know how to fix this problem? It's really getting me worried!!

I updated it about two to three times and would still experience the same problem.
Why update 3 times?!? If you run an update, and it installs normally, that it - done!
There's a world of difference between running BatteryUpdate 1.2 and installing a new battery. In fact, if you read the linked page above, it states that the after you run battery update if you experience any of the listed problems you should contact AppleCare. Their first step will be to replace the battery. Could it be a logic board problem? Sure. Is that the first thing they'll do? No. By that reasoning, the first thing to try if your car fails to start on a cold morning is to put in a new engine...
So, to the OP, contact Apple - or better yet, if it's convenient, go in to an Apple Store. Get a new battery. If the problem persists, go from there. The advantage of taking it into a Store is that they'll test it on the spot.

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