Launch Services crashing - AFP, SMB, NTFS, exFAT, FAT32 all unmountable

Question

My Mac Pro was working fine until this month hit... first I noticed that I could no longer mount my network shares (AFP and SMB shares on a Drobo 5n). My first assumption was that there was something wrong with my shares, but that's not the case as every other computer and device I have has no issues connecting and mounting the shares. Not only that, but my Windows partition on this Mac Pro connects fine as well. That's when I noticed my Windows partitions were no longer mountable in OS X either. So I ran some tests with a flash drive in disk utility, after formatting the drive in exFAT, FAT32 or NTFS the flash drive is no longer mountable... HFS still mounts of course, but not anything else.
So at this point, I've got AFP, SMB, NTFS, exFAT and FAT32 all completely unsuable in OS X. Pretty messed up.
Taking a look at console shows the same messages over and over again:
5/3/13 11:49:30.314 PM ReportCrash[11888]: failed looking up LS service ( scCreateSystemService returned MACH_PORT_NULL, called from SetupCoreApplicationServicesCommunicationPort, so using client-side NULL calls.
5/3/13 11:49:30.314 PM ReportCrash[11888]: LaunchServices/5123589: Unable to lookup coreservices session port for session 0x186a0 uid=0 euid=0
5/3/13 11:49:30.314 PM ReportCrash[11888]: failed looking up LS service ( scCreateSystemService returned MACH_PORT_NULL, called from SetupCoreApplicationServicesCommunicationPort, so using client-side NULL calls.
5/3/13 11:49:30.314 PM ReportCrash[11888]: LaunchServices/5123589: Unable to lookup coreservices session port for session 0x186a0 uid=0 euid=0
5/3/13 11:49:30.314 PM ReportCrash[11888]: failed looking up LS service ( scCreateSystemService returned MACH_PORT_NULL, called from SetupCoreApplicationServicesCommunicationPort, so using client-side NULL calls.
5/3/13 11:49:30.314 PM ReportCrash[11888]: LaunchServices/5123589: Unable to lookup coreservices session port for session 0x186a0 uid=0 euid=0
5/3/13 11:49:30.314 PM ReportCrash[11888]: failed looking up LS service ( scCreateSystemService returned MACH_PORT_NULL, called from SetupCoreApplicationServicesCommunicationPort, so using client-side NULL calls.
5/3/13 11:49:30.314 PM ReportCrash[11888]: LaunchServices/5123589: Unable to lookup coreservices session port for session 0x186a0 uid=0 euid=0
5/3/13 11:49:30.314 PM ReportCrash[11888]: failed looking up LS service ( scCreateSystemService returned MACH_PORT_NULL, called from SetupCoreApplicationServicesCommunicationPort, so using client-side NULL calls.
5/3/13 11:49:30.314 PM ReportCrash[11888]: LaunchServices/5123589: Unable to lookup coreservices session port for session 0x186a0 uid=0 euid=0
5/3/13 11:49:30.328 PM com.apple.kextcache[11922]: Child process /usr/sbin/kextcache[11923] exited due to signal 6.
5/3/13 11:49:30.328 PM com.apple.kextcache[11922]: Error 107 rebuilding /System/Library/Caches/com.apple.kext.caches/Startup/kernelcache.
5/3/13 11:49:30.329 PM com.apple.kextd[11869]: kextcache error while updating / (error count: 10)
5/3/13 11:49:30.329 PM com.apple.kextd[11869]: async child pid 11922 exited with status 6
5/3/13 11:49:30.362 PM ReportCrash[11888]: Saved crash report for kextcache[11923] version 268.12 to /Library/Logs/DiagnosticReports/kextcache_2013-05-03-234930_LaBonty.crash
I've tried literally everything I can think of... clearing caches, repairing disk permissions, rebuilding launch services, rebuilding spotlight, rebuilding the kext cache, running maintence scripts, etc. etc.... nothing has helped.

Answer 1

Please read this whole message before doing anything.
This procedure is a diagnostic test. It’s unlikely to solve your problem. Don’t be disappointed when you find that nothing has changed after you complete it.
The purpose of the test is to determine whether the problem is caused by third-party software that loads automatically at startup or login, or by a peripheral device. 
Disconnect all wired peripherals except those needed for the test, and remove all aftermarket expansion cards. Boot in safe mode and log in to the account with the problem. Note: If FileVault is enabled, or if a firmware password is set, or if the boot volume is a software RAID, you can’t do this. Post for further instructions.
Safe mode is much slower to boot and run than normal, and some things won’t work at all, including wireless networking on certain Macs. The next normal boot may also be somewhat slow.
The login screen appears even if you usually log in automatically. You must know your login password in order to log in. If you’ve forgotten the password, you will need to reset it before you begin. Test while in safe mode. You won't be able to mount network shares, but a flash drive should mount. Same problem? After testing, reboot as usual (i.e., not in safe mode) and verify that you still have the problem. Post the results of the test.