Long backup when trying to upgrade to 3.0

Hi there. I have had my iPhone 3G since about January, and all this time never really have been able to sync it or upgrade to new firmware because of the long backup times.
In addition, I have read the forums before, and they say to just press the X on the backup progress bar. I don't have this, instead, what happens is I get a popup window saying "Backing up Rich (my name)" with the progress bar. I can't use iTunes, because when I click anywhere on the iTunes window I just get a dinging noise with it greyed out, I can only click on the little popup with the progress window.
The only way I can get out of the backup is to slide on my phone the cancel sync slider, pull the USB cable out, or press the Esc button on my PC, but if I do that, it doesn't upgrade my firmware. Please help me! Also, the sync in progress screen is still there, and I can't shut it off, and I am scared of burn in.
Help me please!

still updating, anyone have anything? I can't use itunes cause the backup progress bar is in the form of a popup, there is no x to click on.

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