Mac and iPhone don't see each other

This isn't just with Home Sharing, but with other apps that use wifi to connect, specifically iAccounts and iBackup, but I couldn't find a more appropriate community.
My iPhone and MacBook Pro are connected to the same wifi network, one has 192.168.1.64, the other is 192.168.1.65, both can connect to the internet with no problems, both have full signal strength.  So why can't they see each other?  Sometimes it works, when everything is turned off then back on again, but sometimes that doesn't work.  Last time it worked only after I reset my router, which suggests maybe the router is the problem.  It's a BT HomeHub 3, which probably doesn't mean much to most of you, so give me general advice.  What settings should I look at?  Could it have something to do with my Mac connecting via 802.11 N and my iPhone 802.11 G?  It's a 3GS, so it can't do N.
Both Mac and iPhone have the latest OS (10.6.8 and 4.3.3).

I stumbled upon the answer by searching other (non-apple support) sites for this problem.  Apparently (and non-intuitively), "personal hotspot" (aka internet tethering) must first be enabled before attempting to establish a BT link.  The reason I say non-intuitive is:
Firstly, bluetooth is supposed to be a stand-alone wireless networking protocol that doesn't require another wireless network to be available for it to work.  What other sort of device (computer or otherwise) requires an existing network to be in place before BT will work?
Secondly, if tethering via personal hotspot is a prerequisite for a BT link, why is there no pop-up message advising of this when BT is turned on?  Something like "Hey idiot, you need to turn on personal hotspot before you can establish a bluetooth link!"  Or better yet, why not automatically turn on the hotspot when the BT button is switched on?
Thirdly, it really makes the BT shortcut button (in the home screen control center) worthless if you've still got to manually drill down into the settings menu to turn on hotspot anyway.
I scrubbed all apple user support articles related to using BT and pairing the iPhone with iPad that I could find to make sure I hadn't missed this new requirement somewhere - and I don't see it mentioned anywhere (although I'll admit that steam was coming out of my ears while I read it, so I may not have been in the best frame of mind to catch any new information).  In the BT troubleshooting article, it mentions every check-this and check-that step but nowhere does it say make sure that personal hotspot is also turned on! I submitted feedback at the bottom of the article; hopefully they'll update it.
Thanks, Lyssa for bearing with me through all of this, which in the end turned out to be a user error.  Although I consign myself to some comfort in knowing that this is not how it worked prior to iOS8.  And as soon as I can find a phone on iOS7 or older, I'll confirm that.

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