Mac OSX Lion 10.7.4 and Parallels (memory issues)

I bought a 2011 Macbook Pro i7 2.2ghz with 4gb of ram, 5400 rpm 500gb hard drive.  Base 15 inch model pretty much. 
I actually purchased it for a few reasons.  1) I had a 1200 dollar credit at a local electronics store and 2) I figured the battery life would be decent and 3) I was interested in playing around with Mac OSX a bit more.
Long story short I still need to use windows for various applications and for work.  So I purchased Parallels since it seemed to have pretty good reviews and installed Windows 7 in one and Windows XP in one.  Giving them 2gb for 7 and 1 gb for windows XP.  Now since I knew I wouldn't have enough ram, I upgraded my ram to 8gb and upgraded the hard drive to a 7200 rpm.
So this is where my problem is, I am unable to run both of them at the same time without Mac running out of memory and swapping like no tomorrow bringing the entire computer to a halt.
In general Lion seems to be pretty slow, even without any virtual machines running.  I have done a reinstall of the entire OS, repaired permissions etc.
So at this point I think I have come to the conclusion that the only solution is to again get more memory and go up to 16 gb, which is crazy in my opinion.  I also installed Windows 7 in bootcamp and then installed Vmware workstation and I can run 4 virtuals (1 windows 7, 2xps and a win2k3) before the base OS gets really sluggish, so it isn't the hardware, it is simply the OS.
Case and point is my other laptop a Lenovo W700ds (for anyone who has seen this thing, it is a beast and has horrible battery life.. one of the reasons I wanted the Mac) runs a core2quad and has 8gb of ram but I usually keep 3 virtuals up without any hit to Windows 7.  But it also only gets 30-45 minutes of battery life, while my Macbook Pro gets about 2-2.5 hours of battery life with the virtuals running however everything runs like crap so I usually have to suspend and only keep 1 at a time open.
My question being simply, is this normal?  Should better hardware have such poor performance or am I just expecting to much?  At this point my options are to install Windows 7 native (which i'd rather not do, I actually do like some of Lions features) or am I forced to buy even more ram?
I was also thinking of getting rid of the superdrive and moving my main drive there and then getting a 256gb SSD as the primary.  But it seems to me at this point I am just dumping money into something that should already do what I want.  This would split the hard drive access load though.
Any suggestions? 
Thanks

Honestly I would never run both Win 7 & XP at the same time in a VM. 7 needs at least 4GB to run properly and uses more resources then XP.
I personally use VMware Fusion and XP. At this time there is no software, that I'm aware of or use, that does not run on XP. So for my Mac Win VM purpose I only run XP with the software in need to use in Windows. This work very well for me. I have 2 CPUs and 3GBs of RAM assigned to XP. Leaving the other 2 CPU cores, 4 HT cores, and 5GBs of RAM for OS X.
Not sure why you need, or want, to run both versions of Windows at the same time. I don't see the need as stated above.

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