Mail message seems to be in limbo -- can't trace it

My Mail app is in a state of turmoil. It's slow and non-responsive and I have yo force quit at the end of each session. The problem seems to concern a message containing a few short videos I tried to send but abandoned part-way thrugh the sending process.
The message now appears in a folder under the On My Mac column called Recovered Messages. In the column it says the message is 215 GB in size. When I open that message, however, it says the pictures are just half a gig. When I try to delete the message (or even the folder), the app freezes. Occasionally it allows me to delete it to the On My Mac but when I try to remove it from there, again, the app freezes.
I have searched for the message header in Spotlight and fund at least a dozen copies. Again, I'm unable to delete via that.
Any suggestions?

Hey, it worked. Though I'm not sure how, as I can't find Library under my User.
Here's what I did: the rebuild of the Recovered Mail folder On My Mac process did actually begin to yield copies of the message in Spotlight. I opened these with the command key pressed and this took me to the message folder within a couple of other folders within Library (which in this case WAS shown under my Username). I then searched for the folders you suggested I delete (there were dozens of the com.apple.mail.plist files) and deleted them.
Interestingy, all the while, my Spotlight was performing something called Indexing.
Do I have something much worse happening that this Mail issue was a symptom of? If so, how do I reformat with Lion when there is no disk to boot from or to reload the OS?

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