Major Sync and software update issue with windows 7 and iphone

Loved my iPhone 3g and love my 4.0! My only concern is syncing and software updates are sporadic.
When I first purchased and sync'd my 3g on my laptop, that I had since 2005 w/XP home 64bit, it would constantly (1 out of 5 times) show phone was disconnected and could not sync. Purchased a desktop, 2009 w/Vista 64bit (same issue mentioned continued) then upgraded to windows 7 64bit (same issue mentioned continued).
Both pc's are authorized and contain the same apps and software. I went through all trouble shooting steps (authorize/deauthorize, phone hard boot, sync w/airplane mode on and/or off, uninstall and or reinstall iTunes, etc...) when both phones would brick after software updates on both pc's.
The last software update 4.0 and most recent 4.2.1 went well on laptop with XP and no longer shows sync issue. The problem continues on the windows 7 and backup has completed successfully 3 times.
Long story short, I have to pray the laptop never dies because iTunes, syncing and software updates on XP works now! The problem with software update, backups and syncing persists on windows 7.
* I was able to apply 4.2.1 software update on XP and then connect to windows 7 to sync and backup successfully. I then disconnected/reconnected iphone to windows 7 and problem happened again, unable to sync phone was disconnected error message.

I've had my new pc for over a year, never had any probs syncing my iphone (then a 3G but now the big 4!)
I went to sync updates to Apps and a couple of tunes I had downloaded straight to my phone only to get an error message 'iTunes has stopped working - windows is checking the problem' followed by another messaged telling me there was a problem causing the program not to work correctly. Windows will close the program and notify me if a solution is found'
Well..... I have NO music on my iPhone and every time I try to sync, the same error messages come up and the bloody program shuts down....

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