Messages iMac conversation w/ 2 people - alter order of photos?

Hi, and thanks for help with this.  I did search, but found nothing on this (seemingly simple) issue.
I have several conversations going in Messages, and I'd like to be able to specify which person appears as the top-most photo for each one, when there are multiple people.  I'm concerned that I will mistake a group convo for an individual one, if I don't get The Man's picture off the top of the pile of pics with friends, too.
Please tell me it isn't something stupid like alphabetical order, because then I can't fix this. 
Thanks again for any and all help!

Hi,
Errr......
It's alphabetical.
Well...
Let me take that further.
I put in my wifes name and my name in the "To" Spot and choose our iPhone numbers
It re-ordered the names to my name, her name and placed her Head and Shoulders iCon on top
Her pic is generic and her name is listed first but the "To" Spot went alphabetical.
Putting the names in the "To" Spot in the other order re-orders the Pics until you send an  iMessage
So the "To" spot goes Alphabetical but the group seems to hold on to something else.
(Briefly I had my own pic as the top one until I sent the "test 2" bit.)
My iPhone is not linked to the card from my main Messages accounts so I show a Wedding Top Hat photo as the Names and the Sig pic as the sender.
9:13 pm      Monday; July 29, 2013
  iMac 2.5Ghz 5i 2011 (Mountain Lion 10.8.4)
 G4/1GhzDual MDD (Leopard 10.5.8)
 MacBookPro 2Gb (Snow Leopard 10.6.8)
 Mac OS X (10.6.8),
 Couple of iPhones and an iPad
"Limit the Logs to the Bits above Binary Images."  No, Seriously
Message was edited by: Ralph Johns (UK)

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